


Crying Out For Help

by psychopathicInsanity



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Dream AU, M/M, Sadstuck
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-03-02
Updated: 2013-03-17
Packaged: 2017-12-04 01:41:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,477
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/705026
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/psychopathicInsanity/pseuds/psychopathicInsanity
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Jake has been avoiding Dirk's communication for over 2 weeks, he knows now is not the best time to try and speak to him, nor ask for his help, but he knows that if he doesn't pull his act together, he is going to suffocate in this land filled with poisonous air. Without his gasmask, Jake could be dead within minutes. He needs to rely on the one person he is breaking apart, to pull him back together. The question on Jake's mind: Will Dirk save him?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Suffocation

Oh God, I really need him. I can feel my lungs burning from the poisonous toxins entering my system through the harsh air. My vision is hazy, the land all meshing into one, the colours all swirling together. I need him, I keep telling myself, I need him. Fumbling with my phone in my pocket, I manage to pull it out and bring it in front of me. The lock screen image of me and Dirk together makes my heart ache with guilt. It has been over two weeks and I have completely ignored him. Haven't answered texts, declinde all phone calls, even dismissed Jane's party so that there would be no dramas. Yet, it seems that despite all the thought and the frustration over the clinginess, I can't bring myself to ever actually ending our relationship. Every time the thought pops into my head I can't help but picture Dirk crumbling in front of me. I can't hurt him. I don't want to but it seems that I manage to fuck up just about every relationship I have with anyone, platonically or romantically.

Shaking the thoughts from my already disorientated mind, I open up my phone appliances and click on the contacts. First up on the top of the contact list is "Dirk Pumpkin <3". Just the name on its own is enough to make me feel the pleasure of butterflies in my chest or perhaps that could just be the lack of oxygen eating at my lungs uncomfortably, although I would prefer to go with the former. Trying not to inhale as frequently, I click the 'ring' button and bring the phone to my ear.

The phone plays back a few rings and I can only cross my fingers and hope that he is able to find it in his heart to pick up the phone. Nope. The phone plays through to his automated message. God, Dirk please pick up the phone! I resist throwing my phone at the groudn in anger and instead persist. Again, the ringing sounds. "Dirk. Please," I whisper, biting down onto my lip anxiously. After a few seconds, I hear a click and someone shuffle around on the other end of the phone.

A displeased grunt sounds before his steady voice passes. "English?" I can tell just by saying my surname that a certain Strider is not terribly happy with me at the moment. All I want to do is jump in glee, the fact that he picked up at all is a sign that he is not completely done with me.

"D-Dirk," I stammer, my voice weak adn barely audible. I really don't think I can keep this conversation long, I can hardly breathe anymore and my head is beginning to feel faint. "No. Gasmask."

"What?" I can tell he heard by the panic present in his voice, it is masked but I am definetely able to pick up on his distress. "Jake. Where are you? Actually, no, never mind. I can just track you on your phone. Look, I am just leaving on my rocket board right now. You stay where you are and make sure your breaths are long and only happen every so often. Don't panic yourself. I will be there soon." The line cuts out and I smile thankfully. My prince is coming to rescue me. The genuine worry in his voice was... odd. Not something I am used to but it was endearing. It reminded me of the love he held for me. And, even after all this time, he is still able to find the compassion to be able to care for me like nothing ever happened.

I cough violently, my whole body erupting with shivers. The air is beginning to take its toll on my body. I can feel my eyes drooping, my legs growing weak beneath me, the burning in my chest, the ache for air. I can't do this much longer. I don't know whether I can wait for Dirk. I should have told him I loved him before he hung up. If he knew I still loved him then...maybe I could die peacefully.

"Jake!" I hear my name being yelled in an alarming tone, the breeze carrying it to my ears. A masked figure is running my way, blond hair splaying out the sides of the mask perfectly, toned arms reaching out towards me. He can't be far now. Maybe I won't die. "Jake!" Again, he screams my name as he draws closer, his hands ripping at his mask. A smile flutters delicately over my lips at the sight of his light skin, softly freckled cheeks and pale pink lips. My legs are automatically trying to move me forward, trying to close the distance but the weight is too much and in seconds I can feel gravity pulling me down. I push my hands in front of me, my eyse squeezing shut and bracing for the hard impact of the ground yet I never end up feeling the jolt of pain ripping through my body. I open my eyes, confused. I finally notice the steady hands around my waist, my body tilting to the side yet supported by one person.

"Dirk," I manage to let his name slip through my lips. He presses a slim finger to my dry and chapped lips before slipping the mask in his hand onto my own head. My breathing is immediately improved yet my lungs still scream in pain. "I appreciate this so much, Dirk. Thank you."

"Shut up, Jake. You know there is no way in Hell I would ever abandon you," I flinch, knowing this was meant to be hinting towards my recent abandon. With me already leaning against his arms, I move slightly to let myself fall into his chest, my arms proceeding to wrap loosely around his torso, pressing him against me.

"I know. I am so terribly sorry Strider. I can explain or at least try to apologize as much as I can to make it up to you." I pause, inhaling sharply, a cutting sensation resounding from my chest region. "But, is it alright if we just skedaddle out of here? I am not feeling so chipper." I feel him tense a little against me.

"Okay. Hold on as tight as you can manage, okay?" In a split second, the familiar feeling of the ground beneath me leaves, the arms around my waist having suspended me. I grip onto Dirk a little tighter, so God damn thankful. His flashsteps get us to his rocketboard in a few short moments, his feet launcing to step onto the surface, steadyign himself as he takes off. The air rushing past still feels poisonous, a reminder of the horrendous pain it causes. I shudder, a sharp pain ripping throughout my body, my lungs screaming for their needs. I can't hold on. I can feel myself growing cold, my system readying itself for shut down. I don't have long.

"Dirk?" I barely gasp out as my voice becomes increasingly harder to find. His eyebrows knot together just above the line of his anime shades, the concern radiating from him at this point. He knows, of course, Dirk is one of the smartest fellows I have ever known. Granted, he is the only man I have become acquainted with, he is still undeniably intelligent. I gulp back fear, the fear of what I am about to say, knowing it is my reality. "I want you to know I never meant to hurt you," pausing to allow a breath into my failing lungs, I continue, "I just w-wasn't sure how to take all this. I didn't know how t-to handle human contact, and I sure as hell didn't know how to handle you. I didn't want to be a pain in the c-caboose ad tell you to go away so I simply isolated myself. I suppose it seemed more..." I rattle through my brain, trying to find the appropriate word. "Polite? I never thought anyone could hurt you. Dirk Strider is invincible, right?" I force a smile onto my lips, hoping that may at least lighten the mood on this a little bit. "I just wish I were too." Breathing out those final words as my air supply runs out, all I can hear is the sound of feet running against hard ground, my name being called out repetitively and the quiet prayers. My body, my mind, is slipping away. My world. Dirk. Everything...

Gone.


	2. Desperation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dirk is scared, Jake has been asleep for six days straight and he doesn't know what he can do to bring him back. He still sees his chest move every now and then in his 'sleep'. Dirk finally comes to the conclusion that the only way he can bring Jake back to him, is to go into the dream and seek him that way. Dirk is faced with the prospect of enemies, assassins and the law in this fake reality Jake has set up.

"I just wish I were too," he breathes out, his falling limp in my arms, his chest halting to a standstill.

"Jake!" I scream, shaking his body in my arms, praying that the movements will be enough to bring him back. "Don't you fucking leave me again," I whimper, my voice breaking halfway through my pleas, the stinging of tears threatening in my eyes. I can't lose him. Not again. I have to do something. I have to. My eyes falll on his closed eyelids, hiding away the gorgeous emerald green of his irises. I've always loved staring into those wide, adventurous eyes, letting myself fall deep into them, peering into his soul. My heart aches in my chest and I choke back a sob, not wanting to panic, just wanting to get Jake inside. To safety.

Clinging to his figure, I sprint towards the house, thankful for my incapabilty of closing the door in my rush to save Jake in the first place. My immediate instinct is to just take him into our shared bedroom, or rather, once shared bedroom. Dropping him onto the mounds of pillows, I push shaking fingers to his neck, feeling for a pulse. Thank God, I almost cry out, an onslaught of tears now streaming down my cheeks. I couldn't care less. He's alive. Barely. But, Jake English is a fighter. Surely something like this could never take him down. 

My whole body crumples, my gloved hands taking Jake's into mine. "I should hate you so much right now. But I don't. I never should have loved you. But I do," I let a small smile tug at the corners of my lips, memories flooding into my mind. "Over 3 years, Jake. You aren't getting rid of me that easy." As I lay down beside his forlorn body, his fingers intertwined between mine, I let my eyse fall shut, the tears halting in their journey. I don't sleep, I lay there, Jake's voice calling to me in my head, his bucktoothed grin plastered on hsi tanned face. Fading memories...

~

It's been six days. Over 144 hours. Jake has not once stirred from his sleep. His heart still beats weakly in his chest, breathes very rare. I can't stand idly by and pray to a God that will not take a second-look upon my pitiful self. The whole experience is ripping me apart, my head is running in circles, insanity taking over my once proposed thoughts. My heart is ripping, anticipating the worst despite my efforts. The situation is beginning to take its toll and although I hate to admit it, I don't think there's really much I can do to help him. Running a hand through my messy locks, I pull my phone from my pocket, opening up a chat.

\-- timeausTestified [TT] began pestering timeausTestified [TT] \--

TT: I need your help.

TT: Oh, how amusing. The very human who likes to take a daily reminder to say how useless I have become in upholding his laughable persona.

TT: Well, what is it that you might need my assistance with?

TT: Another Jake problem I presume.

TT: One day I will melt you down and make you into something more useful. Like paper weights. That stuff at least has a constant purpose.

TT: Look, I really don't have time for this bullshit banter. As fun as it may be. I really have an issue as of right now.

TT: It annoys me that I have not thought to come to you sooner but you quite often get on my nerves and I thought I could handle this situation on my own.

TT: In short, Jake is in a coma. And he has been for the past six days.

TT: I am starting to think there is no hope for him.

TT: That is not Jake.

TT: That is his body and that is all it is.

TT: I think.

TT: And though it pains me to say it.

TT: But I think the time has come for me to kill Jake. Permanently.

TT: If I can bring myself to killing him without killing myself in the process.

TT: That is quite a situation you have gotten yourself into. Or rather, the situation Jake has gotten you into.

TT: There's not much you can really do but I do believe there is one method you have yet to try that just might work.

TT: What is it?

TT: Please. Do not interrupt.

TT: Dirk, you obtained the skill of using your Derse body logn before Jake, Jane or Roxy had any clue about their abilities. You are much more aware and thus have more capabilities than the others. This will come as a big advantage.

TT: Now, you need to utilise your ability to pull yourself into the dream that Jake has caught himself in right now.

TT: He is not completely lost.

TT: There is only one thing keeping him alive right now and that is the memories of which course through him.

TT: I can not warn you of what you might face specifically but this is Jake's imagination mixed with reality. You need to be ready for anything at all times and keep your head on.

TT: I am sure that once inside, you will know what to do.

TT: Get him out of there, Dirk.

\-- timeausTestified [TT] ceased pestering timeausTestified [TT] \--

That went better than I had initially expected. I pocket my device, letting my sleep deprived eyes fall on the body of the comatose boy. Taking my place on the bed beside him, I lean over, pressing chapped lips to soft, tanned skin. I hope this works. Laying down beside Jake's unresponsive figure, I intertwine our fingers together, giving him one last look before closing my eyes and falling into an unfamiliar land.

~

My eyes open to a small purple room, bars sealing the windows, desk littered with papers and small weapons. Pushing myself from the hard wood of the 'bed', I stride to the desk. A small envelope sits atop the pile of papers, the name on the front clearly addressing it to me. Gripping one of the smalle blades in my palm, I slice along the top of the envelope in one swift movement, snatching the contents.

"Dirk,

The Empress Condi requests your company immediately upon reading this message. You have an assigned task to perform under both the Empress and Lord Umbra's commands.

Sincerely,

The Empress' Aid, JC"

Well, it seems there is only one thing to do. I just wish for this to be the plan that gets me one step closer to Jake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really won't be able to update too often although I will try. I have a lot of assignments to complete so a chapter should be going up every week.  
> Sorry for the shitty quality of my chapter. I will try with the next one.


	3. False Sense of Security

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jake is alone, faced to accept his demise. With the flee from his home, friends, everything he once loved, there mustn't be long for the 'adventurer'. Surely Jane, Caliborn and the Empress are seeking him so as to exact reevenge upon him. He has fucked up. Majorly. Maybe his destiny all along was to die.

My eyes flutter open to dim lighting. The air around me is cold and damp, a familiar feeling since my escape. I can’t return. Surely, my fate is sealed within the palace. If I were to ever return, it would mean an immediate death sentence. And that feels to be a rather heavy weight on my shoulders.

Pushing myself up onto my elbows, I stare hesitantly at the opening of the cave, natural light streaming in in small streaks. This small opening of light is the only thing that can help me to differentiate between night and day. Without it, I would not know when the safest times are to hunt and gather supplies for myself outside of these walls. Life can be rough but my survival instincts help to keep me on my toes. Since my time in the forest, I have created an ample supply of wood, food and covering. Yet food is becoming scarce which calls for yet another hunt. My only problem; my bullet supply is limited. I really am beginning to regret my sudden influence on fleeing the kingdom. I may have been able to spare some time to pack some essentials. Yet, now that I think about it, that decision might have cost me. The empress is quick-witted and surely she would realize that grabbing necessities would be a priority, thus, I am sided with my cowardice.

Memories flash through my mind, causing the daily headache. I lay back down, staring up at the rock ceiling, the moss only just being captured by some sunlight. A sigh falls between my lips effortlessly. Oh, how I miss the old days. If only things weren’t so complicated I would be back at my home, practicing my pistol abilities with Roxy, or assisting Jane in her daily studies, or listening to Caliborn’s lengthy rants. Even the Empress’ many self-portraits would be comforting right now. God, I am so lonely. I wipe away the faint sting of tears in my eyes, forcing an optimistic smile onto my face. Even when I know that no one will see it, I still feel like my smile is proving something. Like it is still saying that I am not weak, that I am a brave adventurer and I shall conquer all demons, both within myself and out. I, Jake English, shall not go down without a fight.

As I close my eyes, the first image I am greeted with is Caliborn’s angry glare, his red eyes piercing and merciless. 

\--

“What do you mean ‘NO’?” he screams, fists clenched at his side, a sizeable vein making an appearance on his forehead. I can almost imagine the steam blowing from his ears. 

“Well, what I mean is that no, I am not willing to do that, Mr. Umbra,” I reply nonchalantly, running a hand through my thick, dark hair, avoiding eye contact with the angered man before me.

“Listen here, Jake. ‘No’ is the answer to a question I never asked. When I said I wished for you to sacrifice your life so that I may become what destiny has in store for me, it was never a yes or no question.” He pauses menacingly, teeth baring in a sadistic smile. “It was a demand.” 

Within seconds, his hands are clasped around my throat, denying any air into my lungs. I sputter, desperate for the air I have lost. “Please…” I barely manage to gasp out.

“Do you really think an innocent ‘please’ is going to help,” his fingernails clench tightly into the skin on my neck, causing a pained reaction. My vision becomes blurry, the purple walls all meshing into the other scenery.

“Caliborn“ I breathe out in a final attempt to reconcile, to initiate peace between two disputed members. The ground comes at me with a hard pace, the lack of oxygen having weakened all my muscles. As I lay there, panting and trying to push as much oxygen back into my pained lungs, I stare uncomfortably at Mr. Umbra’s prosthetic leg.

“Don’t think you’ll get away with saying no, Jake. You have barely begun to see what I can do,” and with that, all trace of him is gone. Tears rise up, streaming down my cheeks effortlessly. Oh sweet Jesus, what have I done?

\--

“NO!” I scream out, my voice hoarse as it echoes against the cave walls. They keep getting worse, progressively revealing my past, each one reminding myself of my prior mistakes. I pull my knees to my chest, holding them for comfort. I’m so lonely. I have no one. I’m an idiot for refusing Caliborn. Although I would have still ceased to live in that alternate option, at least I would be surrounded by friends. This loneliness only reminds me of the emotions I had felt when grandma had died to the Empress’ commands. I can remember her clearly, as if I saw her only yesterday.

Her long, greyed hair fluttered so carelessly in the wind, emphasizing her spirit, how free she was. I remember her wise, green eyes that used to light up whenever I would recount my miniature adventures. I remember her grin, the teeth poking ever so slightly over her bottom lip, the crinkles forming at the side of her eyes. I can remember her hands, so soft, the hands that guided me to use my pistols, those hands that would so often hold me. I can remember loving her so much that sometimes I felt that my heart would explode into a million little pieces that only she could ever piece together. Her death was the hardest part of my young life. To watch the strongest, most independent woman weak and fragile, eyes filled with nothing but pain, her hands bloodied and desperate. I knew my heart would never again be fixed.

And that’s when the Empress took me in. It was hard leaving my grandma behind, leaving her heart, her soul and her memory. I wanted nothing more than to crawl into her arms and to feel the warmth that was so familiar. I didn’t get that same feeling from the servants at the palace. Although the Empress did her best to cater for my needs, she was never able to fill that void that my grandma left behind in my heart. 

It wasn’t until the fateful day that I met Jane that I finally felt some life streaming back into my soul. She was shy, hiding behind the Empress as we were introduced, her hands silently seeking refuge by tugging on the long, thick strands of the Empress’ hair. When I finally got a look at her and saw those round, sky blue eyes, I immediately felt like my grandma was back, eyes smiling even when her mouth wasn’t. It was a hesitant friendship, neither of us really sure what to do but as soon as she started opening up to me, I felt all those tiny pieces being stringed back together. I started to feel whole again.

\--

“Where are your parents, Jake?” she asked, her buckteeth biting down onto her lip roughly like she wasn’t sure whether that question was appropriate.

I simply chuckle, eliminating any doubts about the question, assuring her that her curiosity was indeed accepted. “I didn’t grow up with parents. I was raised by my grandma.”

“Where is she now?” she insisted, resting her hands into her lap, legs crossed over the other. I smile, her posture so formal and practiced. She looked wise beyond her years. An old soul.

“She’s…” I gulp down the fear of acceptance to the situation, pushing a small grin onto my lips, “dead.” In seconds, Jane’s arms are around my shoulders, her cheek pressed against mine, small frame now sitting in my lap. 

“I’m so sorry, Jake,” her tiny voice sounded. I began to feel the warm splash of tears seeping through the fabric of my shirt. I wrapped my arms around her, massaging small, smooth circles into her back.

“No, it’s okay. I have you and the Empress as my family now. It’s not the same but I am thankful nonetheless. Please, don’t cry, Jane.” With the sound of her sniffles still resonating throughout the expanse of the room, my arms tighten even more protectively. “She’s not gone, you know?”

“Sh-she isn’t?” she stutters, her face pulling from my neck, wide blue eyes staring into my own, the evident trace of tears down her cheeks.

“Of course not!” I practically shout, Jane jumping back a little at the sudden change in voice. “She’ll always be here,” I guide her hand to rest over my heart, a small smile fluttering across my lips. Jane mirrors the expression.

She leans forward, pressing a quick peck to my forehead. “You’re a strong boy, Jake.”

\--

I am strong, I remind myself, those three words playing through my head as if they were on repeat. Jane said so herself. Jane. My mind flashes to her present form, cropped dark hair, red brimmed glasses, plump figure and a love for baking, sleuthing and pranking. The only thing that hasn’t changed are her eyes. Still as open as the day we met. My heart aches. I grip my chest, recounting the mere events that lead to my downfall.

\--

“JAKE!” my name echoes throughout the hall like a curse. My feet are carrying me away from the sound, away from the responsibility. “GET BACK HERE!” comes the screams once more but it’s too late. My legs have carried me far out the front steps of the palace, my form bustling past guards and into the dark, thick expanses of the forest. The shouts are a mere whisper now, too far away to comprehend words.

I don’t stop running until I reach a small stream, flowing with purity. The ground comes towards me, my hands falling out in front. How could I do this? I’ve ruined everything. My tears fall onto the ground like raindrops. I can feel the faint tingle of my one of many computer systems buzzing in my pocket. I pull out my PDA, glancing at the screen. 

\-- gutsyGumshoe [GG] began pestering golgothasTerror [GT] at 15:27 –-

GG: Jake English! I am not tolerating you just running away from your responsibilities. If you were any sort of man you would come back here and face up to it.

GG: I lost my best friend because of you.

GG: She was finally getting her life back on track. She was really beginning to rehabilitate herself. She was becoming so much stronger and so much more of the Roxy that I loved.

GG: How could you?

GG: You inadvertently sent her to her death, you bastard.

GG: Never come back here, Jake. 

GG: I ever see your face or form anywhere near the walls of this palace.

GG: You will die.

GG: She never deserved to die.

GG: But you do.

gutsyGumshoe [GG] ceased pestering golgothasTerror [GT] at 15:36 --

golgothasTerror [GT] began pestering gutsyGumshore [GG] at 15:42 --

GT: I am so sorry.

golgothasTerror [GT] ceased pestering gutsyGumshoe [GG] at 15:44

I sigh inwardly, the tears cascading rapidly. My brain finally functions to the point where I grab a rock, smashing the PDA into a billion pieces. Sobs of regret fill the natural sounds of the forest, drowning out everything. I say good bye to the life I had. I have really fucked up.

When I pull from my thoughts, I find myself sobbing. I can’t survive out here. Not when supplies are becoming so limited. If I run out of bullets, there goes my chance at defending myself against possible intruders of the palace and also my food. Maybe I am just meant to die…


End file.
